Soft SM: what hides our dominating frolics?

soft smHoney, tonight we’re getting attached! Whips and handcuffs prancing pleasure modes for some couples. Beyond the effect “Fifty shades of gray”, that actually hide our sexual intercourse dominant/dominated between consenting adults, of course!

Disguised as a maid and bend to the desires of a man. Be tied and blindfolded by a woman in a leather boot. Today, sexuality is encumbered with fewer taboos, and some practices are no longer blacklisted in our repertoire! Sexual revolution requires, everyone has the right to explore his sexuality as he sees fit and to dare variants to spice up his nights, “from the moment the two partners feel like it” recalls Dr. Sylvain Mimoun, in his book Anti-Guide of Sexuality. However, the question arises: what can push us to shake our pretty red leather crop, under the nose of our partner, by ordering him to call you mistress? Or vice versa!

SM soft: sexuality at stake

“In reality, in sexuality, the two partners replay more or less consciously, a power struggle, a kind of confrontation to which one of them succumbs and lets itself be taken” affirms the psychoanalyst and writer Sophie Cadalen. In the dominant/dominated relationship, this struggle is organized more consciously with precise codes and signals. “For Freud, we are all perverts in sleep! Children, we explore all drives – voyeurism, sadism, masochism. But growing, if these impulses are present, they only provide us with a fantasy enjoyment, without obligatory acting out, and if they are, it is often punctually,” says Dr. Mimoun.

There, the rules are fixed in advance, the dance of the impulses is codified, one of the two relies completely on the other, and submits to his desires. “In fact, it can be reassuring and both partners know what they are aiming for!” adds Sophie Cadalen.

The submitted tender

“Being fully cared for, and surrendering to others can be a source of extreme pleasure,” says Sophie Cadalen. It is a very submissive position in reality to submit and to plunge into the unknown, since we do not control anything anymore. When one becomes the object of the pleasure of the other, our resistances are no longer entitled to the chapter.

Moreover, the fact that it is a game allowed you free of the gaze of the other and his judgment. In the end, some brakes to access to pleasure jump! It may seem paradoxical, but “the woman who likes to be attached is active in her enjoyment,” says Dr. Mimoun. Which is also true for Monsieur!

Assumed domination

bdsmDare to exercise tyrannical power is much more enjoyable than we might think. “We all have a taste for power over the other, and this propensity to test one’s ascendancy is very present in all of us,” recalls Sophie Cadalen. Inside this frame, there is more respect to have! This is the reason why there is a real enjoyment to go to the end of the character, while taking into account the limits of his partner.

Without wanting to generalize, it turns out that on the couch, these impulses particularly animate people rather socially erased!

SM soft: how to delimit the border?

In sado-maso staging: as long as it is a role play that stops as soon as one of the partners says stop, we are in a staging between consenting adults. The real question is the position of the cursor and especially the frequency! “The rule is set initially and no one tries to cross the yellow line,” says Dr. Sylvain Mimoun. Moreover, it is necessary to make the difference between a game to explore his impulses, in a punctual way, and the fact that this sexual mode is the only one possible to reach the enjoyment. It is then more of a type of sexuality “perverse”, with real difficulties to change scenario, in this case, the excitement is not shared.

Clearly, to blindfold or claim spanking, is far from degrading and can even be a rewarding experience. When it comes, of course, to frolicking together, just like a crazy union missionary version by whispering statements of love inflamed!